even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
