I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
