At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
