Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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