Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
