she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
