omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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