Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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