as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
