i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
