The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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