Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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