I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
