I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wanna passion pit in your ass
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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