I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm bleeding and have questions
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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