it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
