i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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