Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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