im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is Oprah even human
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
