doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
