There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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