My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
