He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
