I looked at my own cervix.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
