Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
