wakey wakey hands off snakey
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
