I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
