Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
