why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we're making bets on your personal life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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