They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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