Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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