Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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