p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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