So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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