how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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