i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
