Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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