I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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