I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
