beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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