Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
