After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
