"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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