So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
