I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
