i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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