Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The power of my boobs compel you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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