Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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