We won't sleep together?
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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