he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
