My liver just broke up with me...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
