she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
